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Oil Emperor of Dune, a parody of the 1984 movie based on the Frank Herbert novel
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2004 August 31, Tuesday

Finally - more stories of rape from Iraq (including the sodomisation of a 15 year old boy) by the good 'ol U S of A!
His team has documented abuse dating from July 2003 to as recently as last month, when an Iraqi boy just fifteen years old says his captors at an American facility raped him. "He was told to go on all fours naked and was sodomized from behind," Akeel conveyed the fifteen year-old's testimony. "He said they made him dance and he was crying."
It would be nice to see some photo evidence of this released to coincide with the odious Republican convention in New York (or JEW York, as some of their fellow travellers used to call it before 911). Scum.

I enjoy the little modifications to the Google logo whenever there's a special event. The Venus transit was especially good. I didn't like their Olympics images very much, so I decided to make one of my own:
trust a crazy Irish priest to ruin the fun for everyone
Garrison Keiller unleashed! We’re Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore
etch a sketch image of bush
The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us, Newt’s evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man suspicious of the free flow of information and of secular institutions, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk. Republicans: The No.1 reason the rest of the world thinks we’re deaf, dumb and dangerous.

2004 August 30, Monday

At last - it's here! Start your own LEFT WING HUMORIST DEAD POOL!

Bring on global revolution! VOTE BUSH!
Most of the Coalition of the Willing were promised cheap Iraqi oil by Washington, or oil concessions. But as resistance forces sabotage Iraq’s oil pipelines, these promises are coming up short, and plundering Iraq’s wealth is turning out to be a challenge.

Ironically, far from building a powerful coalition to garrison Iraq under U.S. command, what President Bush has really managed to do is to provide formerly rudderless left-wing parties around the globe with a red-hot new cause with which to rally and electrify their supporters. At the same time, he has made himself the most detested man in world affairs. Those conservative governments that continue to support him and the U.S. occupation of Iraq do so at their peril and are becoming alienated from their own voters.

In short, Mr. Bush has done more to electrify the international Left and give it a sense of common purpose than anyone since Che Guevara. That’s true coalition building—just not the kind Washington had in mind.

2004 August 29, Sunday

Priceless - just priceless!

Subject: Re: Im an American Soldier
Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 09:55:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Kevin Phelps <bubba23inbaghdad@yahoo.com>

Hello there. I am an American soldier living in Germany. I just returned from Iraq. This is the first time i seen your website. I thought it was very stupid. I bet you support the Democrats dont you. Your little game about gulf war 2 was so far off of the truth it wasnt worth finishing it. I have made more sacrifice in my 2 years in the army than you will ever make in your entire lifetime. I have seen and done things your little mind will never be able to comprehend. I am proud to be a soldier and even more proud to be and American soldier. If we werent fighting the terroists in Iraq and Afghanistan then wed be fighting them in America. Its better to take the fight to them. Iraq was just a starting point in the Middle East. If any other countries overthere get out of line like Iraq did then I am more than willing to go and fight them as well. Bush has led our country through some very hard times and I have faith in him as a leader. Kerry would just fuck things up even worse. So before you go and make fun of our President my Commander in Chief, be sure you know all the facts and be sure you know what it means to sacrifice for your country. yours truly-----An American Infantryman in Germany


Poor Kevin. Where to start? A tinfoil hat might be an idea, but lets try to reason with him first:
I bet you support the Democrats dont you.
OH GOD! HE SUPPORTS THE DEMOCRATS! He's a COMMUNIST SOCIALIST DEMOCRAT FASCIST! Real Americans would never dream of supporting DEMOCRATS! We should round them up and KILL THEM ALL in order to PROTECT FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY!

No I'm not a Democrat - in my opinion the democrats are just a bunch of warmed up tories. They're much too right wing for my tastes. As a cartoonist, I'm praying that Bush gets re-elected. I'll post more about my 'support' for Bush in the next few weeks.
Your little game about gulf war 2 was so far off of the truth it wasnt worth finishing it.
My game starts with the Iraqis using WMDs. It seems that they didn't have any WMDs - so you are correct. If you have a problem with that, try asking your pals in the Whitehouse - they seemed pretty damned sure about it 16 months ago.
I have made more sacrifice in my 2 years in the army than you will ever make in your entire lifetime.
It's impressive - you think I'm a democrat (though I'm Irish, not American), yet you claim to know how much I've sacrificed in my past, present and future, as well as my party affiliation. Tell me, O wise one, which Irish political party I support: Fianna Fail / Fine Gael / Labour / Progressive Democrats / Provisional Sinn Fein / Greens / Workers Party. You know more about me than I do, so I'm sure you'll pick the right ones (btw, we have proportional representation, so choose an order of preference, 1,2,3,4, etc.)
I have seen and done things your little mind will never be able to comprehend.
I hope we're not talking about the torture and rape of children in front of their mothers, as occured in Abu Ghraib. If you have any pictures please send them to me. Unlike the gutless wonders in the US media, I'll have no hesitation in sharing them with the rest of the world.
I am proud to be a soldier and even more proud to be and American soldier.
I'm very happy for you.
If we werent fighting the terroists in Iraq and Afghanistan then wed be fighting them in America.
Hm. There weren't very many terrorists in Iraq before the US invaded, but it's crawling with them now. Odd that you haven't heard of BLOWBACK during your years of hard sacrifice in the army that I wouldn't possibly comprehend with my little mind...
Iraq was just a starting point in the Middle East.
I said as much in my Gulf War game. Glad it's finally starting to sink in. Iran is probably next. Been saying it from day one.
Bush has led our country through some very hard times and I have faith in him as a leader.
You have ''faith''. I prefer empiricism myself.
Kerry would just fuck things up even worse.
Kerry would "fuck things up even worse." - implying that things are already fucked up under the mighty BUSH! Watch it pal - people might think you're some kind of DEMOCRAT!!!
So before you go and make fun of our President my Commander in Chief, be sure you know all the facts and be sure you know what it means to sacrifice for your country.
Yeah - unless I ''sacrifice for my country'' (i.e. get my left nut shot off in Basra), I've got no right to criticise the President. Some chaps daydreamed their way through civics class - the concepts of democracy and freedom were just too complex for their beer-addled brains.

They hate us because we're free.
''People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.'' Soren Kierkegaard

''The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.'' Will Durant

''The average man never really thinks from end to end of his life. The mental activity of such people is only a mouthing of clichés.'' H.L. Mencken, Prejudices, 1925

''Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.'' John F. Kennedy

''What luck for rulers, that men do not think.'' Adolf Hitler

2004 August 28, Saturday

A very peculiar story about a U.S. military helicopter which crashed into a Japanese University. For some strange reason, the American forces wouldn't let the Japanese near the place to investigate for themselves...
The U.S. military refused to allow Japanese authorities to inspect the scene of the accident. Then it scooped up the wreckage. In addition, U.S. forces have resumed flight operations of the same model of helicopter despite vociferous protests from Okinawa Governor Keiichi Inamine and Yoichi Iha, major of Ginowan city, home to the Futenma facility.
Oh come on you ungrateful Japs - it takes AGES to clean up depleted uranium. The stuff gets EVERYWHERE (wink wink). You wouldn't want to inhale radioactive gunk now would you?

Let's take a moment to appreciate the archaeological treasures of Iran, before the three-headed beast known as BushBlairSharon obliterates them:

Sultanyeh Dome Iran's Burnt City Shadyakh Historical City Sassanids Used Commercial Labels

Only a left-wing pansy would give a rat's ass about some mud ruins. Just think of the oceans of oil and natural gas lurking under these sites, awaiting liberation! Sweet, nourishing oil.

Mmmmmmmmm...


2004 August 27, Friday

Confession: I'm not a liberal. I don't believe in universal suffrage. Most people are just too dumb to vote! It's bad enough that they're having kids. We should turn a good chunk of the population into Soylent Green.
Seventy per cent of Americans cannot name their senators or their congressman. Forty-nine per cent believe that the President has the power to suspend the Constitution. Only about thirty per cent name an issue when they explain why they voted the way they did, and only a fifth hold consistent opinions on issues over time. Rephrasing poll questions reveals that many people don’t understand the issues that they have just offered an opinion on.
I think the situation is similar in most countries, not just the U.S. There's a 40% block of any given population that's almost as smart as a two week old lump of shite.

Whenever I get hate mail (more accurately called ''crazy mail'' or ''stoopid mail'') I'm amazed by the sheer density of the writer. I recently wrote a spoof of the Annie Jacobsen Air Terror story. I received this gem following the crash of the Russian airliners:

Subject: Air panic?
Date: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 19:44:45 -0400
From: P**** P******** <p*****@iname.com>

Arabs changing one another in airplain lavatory... nothing to be scared of...
Now TWO russian planes down -- explosions in tail lavatories. Who's laughing now?

It's always possible that there was an explosion from the 'airplain' lavatory - but twelve hours after receiving this nugget, not ONE story has appeared on google about a toilet bomb - so where did this guy get his information?

From the space aliens of course! Take some advice my friend - make yourself a tinfoil beanie, as soon as possible! It'll stop the Zeta Reticulans from transmitting their messages into your brain...

update: Saturday's Independent reports:
Sources close to the investigation have said that it looks like the bomb on board the Sochi-bound plane was detonated in the toilet towards the jet's rear, close to where Ms Dzhebirkhanova had been seated. They say that explosives the size of a bar of soap would have been enough to cause the blasts.
Firstly, I'm not going to apologise to P**** P*******. He missed my original point that Annie Jacobsen is a hysterical nut who was a greater threat to her flight than the innocent Syrian musicians (as though Bush's people would have let them go free if they had been planning an attack!) If you don't have a sense of humor, don't waste your irreplaceable time on this site - it'll only make you confused and angry.

And yes, I AM going to make jokes about terrorism and our idiotic response to it. It's too bad if that violates the tender sensibilities of a few crybaby conservatives.

So how did my mysterious correspondent have access to this information before the media? Clearly he is one of the terrorists. I'm going to forward his email address to the FBI and the Russian Intelligence agencies. I hope he likes being anally raped like the 16 year old kid in Abu Ghraib.

*IF* this report is true, airline travel is going to get even uglier than it is already. Imagine the hysteria every time a Muslim passenger takes a dump - every Annie Jacobsen on board is going to cry like a baby until the bog door opens.

Glass doors in 'airplain' lavatories can only be a matter of time. I can't wait.


2004 August 23, Monday

Moonday again:

new york hates bush t shirt the new delta rocket a little lego humor ted rall cartoon about john mccain

A funny news item which won't see the light of day. Israeli weapons technology may end up in the hands of the Iranian government!
Iran and South Africa have agreed to increase defense cooperation in a process that could result in the transfer of Israeli-origin technology to the Islamic republic.

Iran and South Africa have signed a memorandum of understanding meant to pave the way for cooperation in defense and other fields. The MoU was signed on Aug. 17 during a visit by South African Defense Minister Mosiuoa Lekota to Teheran.
Our Israeli allies thought they were being clever in the 80s by sharing weapons technology with the Apartheid regime in South Africa. Guess they don't feel quite so smart now.

Ka-Boom.


2004 August 22, Sunday

I've been super busy, and very tired - so I haven't managed to post much. Here's an interesting snippet about the Iraqi soccer team at the Olympics from ESPN:
the Iraqis overcame almost unimaginable challenges to reach here. When Uday Hussein was in charge of the country's Olympic program, the players faced routine torture for poor play. The continued fighting in Iraq forced the team to train and play its "home" games in other countries. Even now, one of Uday's former right-hand men heads up the national soccer program. And when the Olympics end, they will return to a war-ravaged country.
Nice to see continuity of leadership in Iraq's sports body - a bit like their new so-called ''government'', staffed with former terrorists like Iyad Allawi. Little wonder that the Iraqi soccer players told Bush to piss off - Uday's ''right-hand man'' is still stinking up their lives.

A nice piece of U.S. bashing from the UK's conservative Spectator magazine. I like American food (it's a lot better than Irish food - no offence to the motherland); nevertheless, 'tis a funny read: American Food Sucks
The Cheesecake Factory is one of the most popular family food chains in the US — and for me the most grotesque example of American food. A single slice of cheesecake is as big as a brick and would more than suffice for a meal. An entire cheesecake could quite easily put a small child into hyperglycaemic shock. It must put a strain on family life, having to watch your nearest and dearest eating this gunk.

The cheesecake is just one of the ‘factory’ specials whose metal menu lists hundreds of other dishes, like the Tons of Fun burger: ‘Yes, It’s True! Double Patties, Double Cheese, Triple Sesame-Seed Bun with Lettuce, Tomato, Red Onion, Pickles and Secret Sauce. Served with Fries’ and the Mile-High Meatloaf Sandwich ‘Topped with Mashed Potatoes, Crispy Onions and Barbeque Au Jus. Served Open-Faced on Extra Thick Egg Bread.’
Tell me why - I don't like Tories
In the general election of 1964, Patrick Gordon Walker was confidently expected to win the inner Birmingham seat of Smethwick and, in the event of a national Labour victory, go on to be Harold Wilson's foreign secretary.

But Gordon Walker did not win. He was sensationally defeated by a Tory nonentity, Peter Griffiths, whose campaign featured the infamous 10-word slogan: "If you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Labour."
Here's a behind the scenes photo from a recent Republican Party Rally.

Can you see George?

Can you see DICK???


2004 August 14, Saturday

Work leaves less time for posting these days. Nevertheless, here's some fun:

iraqi hassled by security goons the idiot who wants to run the cia one less friend for bush an upside down elephant

If you only read one article about Iraq this week, read this roundup by Juan Cole.
I hadn't heard anything about US warplanes bombing Kut on US television news on Thursday. It is useless, but I would like to point out that bombarding al-Sharqiyyah district because it has Mahdi Army fighters is inhumane and probably illegal. Civilians live there, and they will inevitably be hurt by the bombing. Unfortunately, there are no mechanisms for enforcing international law. Apparently, the American public will not even be told by their mass media that the US is behaving in this way.
I hate to tell you this Juan, but a good 40% of them would jump for joy if they knew.


2004 August 11, Wednesday

Via boingboing.net, another datapoint on the downward-pointing graph towards the Fourth Reich: New York security guards attempt to confiscate a dungeons and dragons book. It's not so much a march to Fascism, more of a relaxed stroll... (this after state troopers were posted in movie theaters screening Fahrenheit 911)
This morning, they're doing bag searches again to get on the ferry. And the guy doing the searches pulls me aside and says, "Sir, I feel that I need to confiscate this book."

I pause and say, in that tone of voice that most people would recognize as meaning, "have you lost your grip completely, chuckles?": "You need to confiscate... a book."

"Yes. I feel it's inappropriate for the other people on the ferry to be exposed to it."...

...My response: "Well, let me call the ACLU and have them come down here, and see what they think about your attempt to confiscate a book that was not in the plain sight of others due to your feeling it's not appropriate." And I pull out my cell and start scrolling down the list - ACLU-NJ is at the top, actually, before 'Amanda' and 'ardaniel' since it sorts alphabetically.

He gets all pissy at me and says, "Don't you understand this is for your safety?"

"Confiscating someone's gun or bomb is for my safety. PErhaps confiscating someone's pocketknife or nailfile may be for my safety. What's so damn dangerous about my book?"

"It's INAPPROPRIATE!"

"That's NOT YOUR DECISION! I could be carrying a copy of Hustler in here, and it's STILL not your decision! You're looking for bombs and knifes and guns and things that hurt people, and a book that is IN MY BAG is not going to leap out of its own damn accord and HIT SOMEONE!"
I know what we should do - get all the nasty books into a big pile and BURN THEM ALL! That way we can be safe FOREVER!

the republican party in germany during the nineteen thirties


2004 August 9, Monday

Open wide. You know it's good for you:

stargate meets george bush the bastard operator from hell will smith pissing on isaac asimovs grave lego samurai


2004 August 7, Saturday

Very tired. Some interesting thingies finally:

funny flash nun game if this guy dies then Iraq is toast a new super hero called bushman strange art in utah


2004 August 4, Wednesday

Been very busy recently - hence few posts. These 4 are nifty:

grooves in a vinyl record another demonstration in Iraq forbes calculates the best president soyuz spacecraft flying to the moon


2004 August 3, Tuesday

Why won't the aliens come and eat the stupid people? BOB on Board
Ninety minutes after taking off from Sydney Airport, a flight attendant on a United Airlines flight bound for Los Angeles found an airsickness bag - presumably unused - in a lavatory with the letters "BOB" written on it.

The flight attendant decided that the letters stood for "Bomb On Board" and immediately alerted the captain, who decided the risk was serious enough to turn the plane around and land back in Sydney.


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