WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO BE KILLED? YES! IT'S THE
LEFT WING HUMORIST DEAD POOL!
We all know it's just a matter of time before some Fox ''News'' lovin', right-wing Bush-suckin' Jesus-freak takes it upon himself to defend freedom by killin' one of them thar librul commie pinko hippy agitators what hates Amurca. WHO WILL IT BE? - start your own pool at work - it's fun, and PATRIOTIC!
(NOTE: deaths from small plane crashes also qualify as assassinations, as do chokings in restaurants, as well as being killed in an accidental car 'crash').
|TED RALL - the man the right-wingers love to hate!|
Ted has drawn intense outrage with his ''Terror Widows'' cartoon, lampooning the wives of Daniel Pearl and the ''Let's Roll'' guy. Followed it up with mockery of Pat Tillman, sports star killed in Afghanistan.
For: Most able to stir conservatives into a homocidal fury; has received death threats by phone from a redneck (''we nose whar yoo liv, queer boy''). He has appeared on fox ''news'', without pixellating his face. Big mistake!
Against: May enter his Incredible Hulkesque "WARP SPASM" and swing his attackers overhead by their colons.
||MICHAEL MOORE - who will rid me of this troublesome pest?|
Michael is unique in being able to repeatedly penetrate the invisible corporate news ''membrane'' that normally keeps stories like BUSH AWOL off the headlines. This makes him a top target for an ''accidental tragic accident that was tragic and totally accidental''.
For: Michael's bulk might make it difficult for him to outrun an assailant...
Against: A zealous fan may be willing to take a bullet for him (while in a drug induced haze).
||AL FRANKEN - sounds like he might be a jewish fella...|
Al has made two mistakes: he has called Rush Limbaugh a ''Big Fat Idiot'', and he has called Bill O'Reilly a ''Liar''. For this, he must surely be killed.
For: Bill and Rush only have to give the word, and the wrath of the trailer park will fall upon his head.
Against: He may be able to distract his attackers with a witty bon mot, then slip away to secret headquarters of the Liberal Illuminati Overlords of the World, to continue to plot the downfall of Christian America.
||GARY TRUDEAU - how dare he sully the funny pages!|
After many years of his subtle ridicule of Washington, Trudeau made the mistake of sending one of his characters to Iraq. Said chap loses leg, and comes home. Trudeau faces a right-wing campaign to remove him from the papers. My, but aren't we sensitive? What a bunch of cwybabies...
For: How dare he say anything negative about the war effort? Who does he think he is, Bill Mauldin?
Against: Most people don't know what he looks like. Photo on left may not even be him. If so, blame google.
||JON STEWART - host of the Daily Show.|
Jon has skewered many a pompous boob with mere expressions. Many young folk get their news from the Daily Show, rather than the State approved CNNMSNBCFOX network. This is a dangerous leak in the information-control-nexus. It cannot be allowed to last.
For: Is Jewish (so you get two-for-one). Seems to be able to avoid hatred from wingnuts - so he's probably not expecting an attack from a 300 pound redneck with an "I LOVE JESUS" t-shirt.
Against: Is an expert martial artist, having trained for several years in Taiwan under the world famous Kung Fu fighter Sum Yung Guy. Can catch bullets with his teeth.
||DERMOT O CONNOR - flash monkey from hell (or Ireland)|
Yes, it's me. (It's MY site, I can put myself in if I want to). I committed the vile sin of making a flash game in late 2002 which suggested that the post-war situation in Iraq would be a Grade-A CLUSTERFUCK. Nothing that's happened in the intervening months has changed my mind. That harmless cartoon spawned a heap of bewildered hatemail and threats from the dopes of Middle America when they found it, poor babies.
For: Mocked the war effort! HOW DARE HE? Should be shot for sedition! Go back to Ireland!
Against: Too obscure to make a good trophy - let's get Rall or Moore instead!
Posted 2004 August 30
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