email archives		Wipe your arse with the Irish Independent. A good old-fashioned screed by Dermot O' Connor, Irish ex-pat. 2006, April 24. The Irish Independent used to be an OK newspaper, for the most part. Today it's increasingly pro-Bush, in a really creepy way. Not just that - the grammar and syntax have gone downhill - the standard of debate is eerily reminiscent of a brain damaged high-school student - too much Mercury in the diet, perhaps? There's a big difference between an argument and an assertion...apparently they don't teach that in Irish schools any more. I'm no Sy Hersh, but bloody hell - this is what passes for journalism in a national newspaper? No name is attached to this article - so I'll just call the writer "Seamus". I've googled the piece and can't find it anywhere else, so I'm going to assume that the piece is from The Indo, and is by an Irish hack. You have to log in to read this filthy dreck, but I'll quote it in total here anyway, starting with the title: For cheap oil, we must 'take down' Iran Hm, would this "we" be the military forces of The Irish Republic? I - don't - think - so! It's annoying when American civilians talk about "us" fighting the Iraqis, but when Irish civilians start pretending to be part of the military the bile rises in the back of one's throat. At least the title is honest - no shite about freeing the poor Iranians, just "kick their ass and take their gas". It goes downhill from here: DESTABILISING Iran's tyrannical elite is a good idea for three reasons. First, it will stop a nutcase regime from going nuclear. Second, it will prevent a world oil crisis. Lastly, it will free the Iranian people from 27 years of hell. Firstly, now we're talking about "destabilising" Iran, as opposed to a "take down". Which one is it? Second: Pakistan is nuclear, and they're the guys who set up the Taliban, who housed Al Qa'eda. Does anyone see us going to war against THEM? Third - how will war with Iran prevent an oil crisis? The war with Iraq made the oil supply worse, not better. Of course, there's no mention of Peak Oil anywhere. Stopping Tehran in its nuclear tracks is practical politics. Even without the atom bomb, Iran is a major menace to regional and global security. It currently harbours al-Qaeda and Hezbollah, is responsible for much of the mayhem in Iraq, and is funding Hamas in Palestine. Since when has Iran harboured al-Qaeda? They are mortal enemies. Wahabi Sunnis regard shi-ites as Heretics! Friggin' unreal, this. PAKISTAN is harbouring al-Qaeda, and they're nuclear already. Again...why aren't we attacking them? If Iran were stirring up trouble in Iraq, we'd know it. They love the way Iraq is heading - a country that votes FOR shi-ite politicians, and is PAID FOR by George Bush's retarded rednecks? Al'lah be praised! Its president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, believes he was sent to herald the end of days. Hm. If he believes in the end of the world, what's the big deal? He sounds like Bush. In any event, Ahmadinejad is not the supreme ruler of Iran. I'm amazed by how few people seem to be aware of this. THIS MAN controls the real power in Iran, and he's been there since 1989. While each of his predecessors rhetorically threatened Israel with Armageddon, Ahmadinejad intends to bring it about. And if his nuclear dreams were fulfilled, the Iranian bomb would be in range of Europe. The writer says that "his predecessors rhetorically threatened Israel with Armageddon", but that "Ahmadinejad intends to bring it about." How can he tell the difference, as it hasn't happened yet? I didn't realise that psychic powers were taught in Irish Journalist school. Maybe it's an ability that kicks in after the sixth pint of guinness. That means we have more to fear than America from a nuclear Iran. And don't think they wouldn't be stupid enough to use their weapons. In 1979, they seized the American embassy in Tehran for over a year. In 1994, they bombed the Jewish Community Centre in Buenos Aires, killing 86 people. And in 1989, they sentenced Salman Rushdie to death before murdering his Japanese translator. Sure - they'd drop nukes on us, just to see France or the UK or the US turn their country into a sea of glass. "We have more to fear..." - the use of fear to corral the sheeple has to wear thin at some point. In other words, Iran's rulers have a history of madness surpassed only by Saddam Hussein. Allowing them access to nuclear weapons would be the ultimate folly. That is why George Bush is right not to rule out a military strike against their uranium enrichment facilities. Such a strike would send a plume of radioactive fallout over the middle east, you stupid fucking dipshit. The cloud would blow for many miles, and would likely fall over the Indian subcontinent. For the love of God, please, please please STOP SUCKING THE BUSH COCK and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE ADVOCATING for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS! I know you want to use this column as part of your job application to FOX NEWS, but really - don't you have an ounce of humanity? But what consequences would a US strike have for the global oil market? As energy costs soared last week, some rushed to blame Bush for his tough line against Iran. But the real cause of rising oil prices is insatiable Chinese consumption. And Beijing's high dependence on Iranian oil in particular has contributed to the current crisis. By arming the mullahs and refusing to accept UN sanctions against them, the Chinese have effectively given Tehran the nuclear green light. Hm. No mention of the FACT that several of the world's biggest fields (REALLY BIG ONES) went into permanent decline last year. Kuwait's Burgan, Mexico's Canterell, maybe even Saudi's Ghawar (God help us). The list is a long and scary one. It's so much easier to blame it on the chinks and the ragheads, eh Seamus? If China were to co-operate with the US on Iran, the Islamic Republic would have to dismantle its atomic programme. But because it is all about oil for Beijing, they will resist pressure from Washington to crack down on the ayatollahs. That leaves America with little choice but to intervene against Ahmadinejad. HUH???? Seriously - WHAT THE FUCK???????? The Chinese control Iran? This is news to me. I can't wait to hear "Death to America" chanted in Mandarin. What a preposterous assertion - an assertion - NOT an argument. Iran has plenty of customers starving for their oil, RUSSIA is a bigger supplier of nuclear technology than China...they're the ones helping with the nuclear program, ass-hole! But that is not bad news for oil consumers. If the clerics lose control of Iran, a combination of secularists and moderate Shias will most likely take their place. These people are pro-US democrats determined to shape Iran around Western values. Yeaah. That's what happened in Iraq. How's that working out, Seamus? Ye might hop on Aer Lingus and head out to Baghdad for a first hand view. I'll even buy you the ticket! I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS: IF THIS STUPID CUNT WANTS TO SEE THE TRIUMPH IN IRAQ, I'LL BUY HIM A TICKET TO BAGHDAD. ONE CONDITION: HIS HOLIDAY MUST BE OUTSIDE THE GREEN ZONE. WHAT FUN HE'LL HAVE AS THEY SAW THROUGH HIS NECK WITH A BREADKNIFE. What they want is to forge an alliance with the new government in Baghdad, pool their oil resources, and open up the market to Western interests. That will result in China losing its grip on Iranian oil, thereby taking the pressure off Irish pumps. And Santa will arrive with his sled full of toys for all the little boys and girls and Seamus the retarded Irish journalist will get a new Action Man set (with Tank) and he can play war games where the little plastic soldiers go "bang bang" and "boom boom" and the Irish motorist will have lots of cheap Iranian gas to warm the climate and melt Greenland's glaciers! Tell me this is a parody - someone tell me this guy is joking.... In short, leaving the mullahs alone will not bring down the price of oil. So long as they remain in power they will threaten the West with nuclear chaos and energy shortages. But if they are removed, the nuclear threat disappears and Iran's oil will freely flow in our direction. Did I mention that Burgan and Canterell went into decline last year? Or that a chunk of oil and gas production in the Gulf of Mexico is still "shut in" due to Katrina last year? Ah fuck, just blame it on the sand niggers! Alright readers, get ready for the next one, because it's a beauty: I am in touch with the Iranian dissidents and they don't want occupation. Neither are they keen on air strikes against their country. But if given a choice between their current rulers and US military intervention, they would choose intervention any day. This is an amazing coincidence, because I'm in touch with senior members of the Chinese Politburo, and do you know...that Hu Jintao's favorite meal is Broccoli Chicken? True story. As the grandson of Ayatollah Khomeini says: "Freedom is more important than bread, and if the Americans will provide it let them come." He knows the Islamic revolution his grandfather founded in 1979 is dead, and that the country is now ripe for a "popular revolution". He wants "a democratic regime that does not make use of religion as a means of oppressing the people and strangling society". The keyword here is "IF the Americans will provide it"...because having a depleted uranium shell fired up your arse isn't my definiton of freedom. Iran was well on its way to moving away from theocracy until Bush started his moronic and genocidal "crusade" (HIS WORD, NOT MINE). Over 80 per cent of Iranians support the young Khomeini's view that Iran is "the world's worst dictatorship". And so it is. It executes more people than any other country except for China, and is first on the list for imprisoning and torturing journalists. Torturing journalists? Is that worse than journalists torturing me? Here's a quote from Amnesty: "In 2004, 97 per cent of all known executions took place in China, Iran, Viet Nam and the USA." What's the last country Seamus? The one that's blinking - wait, the drink is wearing off. Let me have another swig of that delicious pint. Ah, that's good stuff. Slainte! Oh yeah, The USA! A country that executes retarded people! Stay away me lad, they might put ye in the chair! That is why confronting Iran is not only a strategic imperative but also a moral one. For a quarter of a century, the Iranian regime has violated every norm of decency inside and beyond its borders. In so doing, it has sacrificed its sovereign rights. That means Ahmadinejad and his clerical cronies can legitimately be taken down. And if you want cheaper oil then you had better hope that day comes soon. Wait ... I can't take much more - "strategic imperative" - "moral" - "norm of decency" - "if you want cheaper oil" Oh, grhghgh. So we can do the right thing AND steal their gas? WOO-HOO! Here's some free advice to the editors and journalists The Indo: 1. Never write while drunk. It looks good in movies, but it doesn't work in real life. 2. After you write your piece, read it out loud. Does it sound natural? Maybe you'll realise how stupid and talentless you really are. 3. Editors: Edit. I'm just a blogger, though I at least try to write properly. I re-read my stuff two or three times before I upload it. God, I'm not even getting paid for this, but that do not stop me at checking mi wrk for mistakes and grammar bad. 4. This proves what my father always told me: Those bastards in Dublin are a bunch of talentless yuppie fucks who got kicked into their jobs because Daddy played golf in the right club or went to some fancy school. Drown in your own vomit, you Dublin 4 west-brit shits. It's because of filth like you that I left the country in the first place. What am I forgetting - oh yeah: 5. When you're hiring political cartoonists, don't (DON'T) hire a kid from Arklow with talent and attitude - I'm sure you can find a mediocre hack who just happens to be your cousin's nephew or some such. God forbid if ability was the criterion, rather than nepotism. GODDAMMIT, writing is my secondary skill, and I can still write better than these self-satisfied, shiftless morons. It's nice to have a chance to say something good about America: Americans see talent and they reward it, which is more than I can say about my compatriots (by which I mean middle-class know nothing Dublin yuppie bastards). Back in 1992 the fuckers at the Sunday Tribune (a "quality" national newspaper) actually printed one of my cartoons above the masthead, without telling me, crediting me, or paying me. Payment would have been about $60 (ooh - the big time!). I'm still waiting for my money from the thieving jerks - yes you Stephen Ryan, you smarmy, condescending git. I never forget the names of people who steal from me. Had I been stupid enough to stay in Ireland rather than move to the U.S. I would have amounted to NOTHING, thanks to the sad shower of medicore fakes who run the "old country". God Bless America! p.s. : if you want to read opinions from a real expert on the middle east, rather than the deluded ramblings of a drunken Irishman (of whom there are at least two on this page), I can't recommend Juan Cole enough. The man is a national treasure.